Shark vs Cheetah

Q: What's faster - a cheetah or a shark?

A: I'm guessing you know this is a trick question, dear reader.

If a cheetah were to race a shark on land, the shark would lose because it could do little more than flop around spastically on the ground like a dying goldfish.

Put a cheetah in water, however, and it would presumably attempt an ironic doggy paddle for about 6 seconds before being torn limb from limb by the shark. The shark would then be able to win the race at any leisurely speed it likes, as a dead cheetah in water is reliant on tides and currents to cover any distance at all.

However, if they are both loaded into the luggage bay of an F14 Tomcat (a situation I saw more often that I would like during the Gulf war, where they used cheetahs as impact triggers on their neutron bombs), they both travel at exactly the same speed.

And if they are playing Texas Hold 'em, it depends. Is the shark a better shark than the cheetah is at cheating?