This funeral blows

Q: Recently I was at a funeral and I saw my mate's brother walk up to the funeral director and exclaim, "Hey rev, if this doesn't give you the heebee-jeebies what would, ay?"

I found this very funny and had to pinch myself to keep from giggling uproariously, which would have been inappropriate at such a sobre occasion.

But it got me thinking; does it have to be this way? Is there a respectful way to have a funeral service that's more enjoyable than the average mourn-fest?

A: Firstly, condolences on the passing of your friend.

Different cultures have their own approach to funerals, many of which are much more lighthearted than the traditional western ceremony.

My personal favourite is held by elders of the Kuki tribe in Manipur, India. The sombre but undeniably irreverend ceremony involves gathering in a large tent, feasting on various curries, beans and spoiled fruits, then attempting to produce a deep, resonating, unified flatulence in honour of the deceased.

If enough elders are present, they can often sustain the cluster-fart for 15-20 minutes, which is an aural treat, let me tell you. The idea is to keep from passing out from the smell, laughing from the humour, vomitting, or soiling one's pants while the fart is ongoing.

The longer the fart goes for, the better chance the deceased has of passing on to the next world. The sound is also considered to be soothing to help the soul remain at rest for eternity.

But yes, you are correct, there is no reason a funeral can't be a little more entertaining. If you feel strongly about it, write it into your will and your relatives will be forced to obey your last wishes!