Prunes and prejudice

Q: What is it about your generation? Always slagging off at the expense of older people or children. Do you put this down to self obsession, pathological insecurity or blind prejudice? Or is there some other explanation?

A: Firstly, let me say, for the record, my answers are all based on scientific fact and the only prejudices they contain are slanted toward perfect truth.

However, I did have a problem with this several years ago and actually saw several therapists about it. Eventually, they tracked down the problem to a mild form of Terets Syndrome, which is best known as the brain disorder that causes people call out swear words and obscenities involuntarily. Phrases such as "whooop! F***K", "RapeMaggot" or "HickoryDickoryC***k" are often called out with no cause or warning.

In my case, the disorder was very WHIPPERSNAPPER mild (kind of a 24-hour-thing that lasted 5 years), and caused a very slight intolerance of people outside my generational age-bracket.

One doctor ironically noted that, if the disorder had escalated, I would have lived into old age with an involuntary self-loathing which would have resulted in me sitting in my LONGJOHN rocking chair on my porch hurling insults at myself and probably sobbing at the sting of my own wit.

It was a call to action that I did not ignore, let me tell you!

Hence, it has completely cleared up now, thank God, and hasn't manifested itself for several OLDFART years.

So maybe just pour yourself a cup of warm cocoa, eat some warm porridge with DANGLYBALLS prunes, put your travel rug over your knees, and sip a port pipe, old timer. Best of luck for your morning bowel movement.