Feline facial fallacy

Q: I recently had cosmetic surgery to reconstruct a dramatically sunken jawbone. The surgery went well and I'm very happy with my new chin.

But now, suddenly, my cat, Mr. Tinkles, appears to hate me.

He screws up his face when I pet him, keeps urinating on my laundry and will often cross to the other side of the yard when I come outside to sunbake. Sometimes I suspect he is trying to kill me.

I'm at a loss! Should I get my chin changed back?

A: Yes, I'm afraid the only option - if you love you Mr. Tinkles, as you claim - is to change your chin back to its previous semi-deformed state.

Cats imprint on their owners, much like ducklings or platypus elders, and once this imprinting is complete, it cannot be undone or re-taught.

Mr Tinkles memorised the appearance of his food source long ago, and now you've put him in the uncomfrotable position of living with some weird stranger in the house, waiting until his real owner returns to resume their symbiotic relationship. To be honest, you're lucky he's only peeing on your clothes and witholding affection - he's just as likely to claw your face into red flesh-ribbons during the night.

Choice time, kiddo. It's either your own vanity, or the love of your feline companion. Make your choice.

PS: If you're having trouble funding the cosmetic reversal, may I suggest going to bar, approaching the toughest guy in the place, and calling him a flaming homosexual. He will gladly perform the corrective surgery you need free of charge, albeit with a marked lack of precision.