Monday, March 1, 2010

Breeding Frenzy

Q: Hi Harv, I noticed you don't talk too much about your private life, but I'm curious. Do you have any children?

The reason I ask is I just got one and I don't like it at ALL! I'm actually surprised how much I hate the useless little putz. I haven't even named him yet, because all I can think of are derogatory names, like "re-gurge", "snot-flaps" and "ye-olde-blob-of-shit-piss-and-vomit".


A: How ironic, going from a question about death to a question about life!

Dear reader, I couldn't disagree with you more. I've travelled the world and impregnated more women than I could possibly count, even if I used the antique abacus I keep under my pillow.

Actually, you could say it's kind of a hobby of mine. I've impregnated every race, creed, religion and gender that you could possibly conceive of, and many times over each! One time I even impregnated a woman without her knowing about it. I don't want to publish the details and risk her getting wise to my ruse, but let's just say it involved a small cup, some tin-foil and a long piece of dental floss.

The point is, I love children, and I have hundreds! In fact if there are any volunteers out there with a decent-sized womb and child bearing hips, I'm always up for another litter.

Here's a pic of one of my many family get-togethers last year!

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About Harv

A genius in almost every way, Harv is qualified to answer questions on any topic with 100% accuracy. If you want to know how, check out Harv's complete profile!

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