A dead issue

Q: I was just sitting around thinking about shagging corpses and it occurred to me there's a gap in my knowledge. What is the difference between a Necrophiliac and a Necromaniac? And while we're at it, what the hell is a Necromancer?!

A: Well, dear reader, I am in the privelleged position of having a friend who is all of the above, so I'm somewhat of an expert on this issue!

A necrophiliac is someone who is interested, or even obsessed, with corpses and death.

A necromaniac takes the next step and finds himself sexually attracted to dead bodies. You may find such a person hanging out in cemeteries, exhuming corpses, picking the maggots off it, and perhaps grinding a bit of inanimate skeletal bone.

Note that an early indication of necromania is an attraction to Gwynneth Paltrow.

And a necromancer is all of the above, but more of a gentleman. He will usually take the corpse out for dinner, maybe a chick-flick or a nice museum trip (apparently corpses love Madame Tussaud's!) before taking it home to a bed scattered with rose petals, scented candles and romantic music.

And pounding the shit out of that corpse till the twilight hours.