Ladies and gentlemen... Buckethead!

Q: I know it's cliche but I'm putting together a list of all the things that I want to do before I die.

The thing is, I'm a terrible procrastinator and have already wasted 13 weeks making the list... please help.


A: I've got a counter-question: When are you going to die?

I mean if you're dying of cancer or venereal disease complications in 1 week, lets try to keep your "bucket-list" a little realistic! We may not be adding "solve world hunger", or "write the best symphony the world has ever heard" if you're gonna keel over in less time it takes a tick to raise its young!

Better we put things in there like... keep an empty bowel, so you don't shit the bed when you fade away... and hide (or disguise) your wanking cream - whether it be vaseline, KY or some sort of hand cream with soothing aloe - so your mom doesn't know you're such a horn-bag after you're dead

If you've got a lifetime to live, then you can possibly hope to make the Guiness Book of World records (most likely with some lame stunt that becomes a record because no one is dumb enough to try it before), win a gold medal, or achieve that one thing that escapes most human beings before they die: shagging a supermodel.

These types of concerns are exactly the reason most people don't commit suicide. If you had to achieve all this stuff before you did it, you'd never get the noose around your neck!