Ass about?

Q: I understand why men like breasts; breasts are AWESOME!

But why do men like asses? I mean, everyone has an ass, right?

A: Men's attraction to breasts is a logical anthropoligical phenomenon, as breasts are one of the key distinguishing factors between men and women.

However, what about so-called ass men? Despite the differences between men's behinds and women's, the buttocks of each sex are similar enough to assume that an ass man would be equally attracted to male and female rear-ends.

Anthropologists used to expound that men like women's buttocks because they remind them of breasts. This explanation always bothered me, as buttocks do not have nipples, and of course, breasts don't have an anus smack bang in the middle of them.

However, recent tomfoolery in the northern Arctic has shed light on a new possibility. A group of scientists, supposedly studying the Aurora Borealis, decided it would be amusing to constantly urinate in exactly the same spot in the ice. This went on for several years, until they managed to drill a hole so deep that they accidentally uncovered ancient carvings buried in the ice core.

These carvings, although primitive, clearly showed pregnant women carrying babies in their buttocks and giving birth through their anuses. This indicates that the ancient method of child birth may have been to effectively poop the baby out instead of the conventional vaginal birth we know and accept today.

So perhaps man's primitive brain still recalls a time when a woman's engorged buttocks was a sign of fertility, and hence craves booty as a result. It is too early to tell, but the science is certainly exciting!