Birds, bees and burials

Q: Why do they refer to life's lessons as the "Birds and the Bees" ?

A: In primitive times, religious beliefs dictated that, to receive sexual gratification, one must also pay homage to nature. Insects represented the masculine and birds the feminine sides of sexual relations.

This led to various ritualistic habits. The most common was to cover the woman's body in honey, and make love in a pile of feathers, which would eventually coat the woman, transforming her into a human bird.

The man would, in turn, represent the insect world by stinging her repeatedly like an angry bee.

Eventually, it was discovered that many women, in a heightened state of extacsy, actually believed they had tranformed into birds and tried to fly out their bedroom window. In addition, men became convinced they were bees and began eating flowers and pollen, which was often poisonous.

These odd ecstatic behaviours led to many unexplained deaths until the church investigated and backed off their suggestions of naturallistic homage.

However, the term remained, and is still used today by parents who want to teach their children about sex, but are too scared to use terms such as p****, c****, or a*** lubricant.