Three times the charm!

Q: Are we close to a World War Three?

A: Yes, dear reader, we most certainly are. Every week I'm surprised that no one got nuked that particular week, and predict that it must happen the following one.

However, being anti-war is a little knee-jerk, I feel, as war provides many benefits to human kind, such as:

• Population control: war tends to wipe out a lot of people, and since a large percentage of our current population is essentially useless, chances are we'll cull quite a lot of those.
• The end of worry: sure, you may be one of the unlucky majority who gets their faces melted off, but, let's face it: we're due for one, so lets just get it out of the way so we can stop worrying about it.
• Mutation: the nuclear fall out from war would be devastating, sure, but if we ever want to see a real life version of the TV show Heroes or the comic book X-Men, we better get some significant sources of radiation going soon. Evolution relies on mutation, and we haven't had anywhere near enough of it lately.

I would suggest worrying less about war and more about things like, say, reality television. We can't stop war, but we CAN try get the ratings of shows like Survivor, Big Brother and Idol down as low as possible. That way, after the big war is over, the fledgling post-apocalyptic society that emerges won't remain under the misapprehension that such shows are cool and keep making them.

If we're not careful, they may even think its a good idea to clone Lindsay Lohan, or, heaven forbid, Gwyneth Paltrow, from the ashes of their blow-fly-ridden, charred, rotting corpses.