Ozone Slayer

Q: I heard somewhere that global warming is a scam and we're not at risk. Care to weigh in, Harv?

A: I'm afraid you're misinformed, dear reader. Global warming -- or, termed more correctly, climate change -- is very real and may even prove to be more of an immediate peril than we originally thought.

The solution, however is fuel for much debate. It is unfortunately the case that scientists do not fully understand the causes of climate change, and cannot agree on a solution.

I, of course do know the solution but have been having trouble drumming up support for it, as it does go against the grain of the majority of thinking on the subject. NATO have tried to silence me on the issue, but NATO can go drink pig's vomit and vomit it on their own balls, because I'm 100% certain of myself on this.

After many decades of research, I am convinced the answer lies in INCREASING our carbon emissions, POLLUTING our environment in every way possible, and completely ERADICATING that pesky ozone layer ASAP. EXTINCT all cute furry animals, too, while you're at it.

The scientific principles behind my theory are incredibly complex and impossible to explain to a layman audience.

But here's the gist of it: think of the Earth like a person who has lost his memory due to a bump on the head... We all know from movies that the only way to restore their memory is to hit them again. And harder.

So, Earth, brace yourself for a frypan to the cranium, coz this is gonna hurt!