Et tu, Jacko?

Q: Is the recent death of the "King of Pop" a publicty stunt or has Michael Jackson really died? Whats your thoughts on the life and times of Michael Jackson?

A: I think, like many others, I don't want to believe that old MJ is dead. Which is fortunate, because I genuinely don't.

Come on, Jacko is just another in a long string of faked celebrity deaths. Maralyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, James Dean, Michael Hutchence, Lindsay Lohan (let me dream)...  the list goes on and on.

A faked death is a celebrity's equivalent to a well-worded letter of resignation. Since a celebrity's boss is essentially the public, a faked death is simply formal notification of intent to resign.

Micky-Jay is probably relaxing on his ranch somewhere, sipping a cocktail with Macauley Culkin, Bubbles the chimp, and the bones of the Elephant Man.

He will certainly be missed, as his contribution to music and pop culture during his tragically shortened career has been tremendous. I still remember nude table-top dancing to "Bad" in an attempt to impress a pretty girl at my local watering hole one night. It didn't work and the bouncers saw fit to beat me within an inch of my life before handing me over to the local authorities... but nevertheless... good times...

As an aside, it was recently discovered that all celebrities (except Paris Hilton, who doesn't count as a person, let a alone celebrity -- seriously, check the US census results, she's not on there) share a particular "faulty" chromosome. This so-called "Z-chromosome" is the one responsible for the wild charisma that attracts others to them, but comes at the cost of sanity, humility and a susceptibility to Scientology.