The age of reluctance

Q: How should one age gracefully without really wanting to?

A: That's like asking how to choose the prettiest carnival freak. The truth is there's nothing graceful about ageing. It's a pride-swallowing, soul-sucking process that nature imposes on us while laughing uproariously.

Luckily for you, there is a product called "Wobble-Stopper" coming on the market (it's not yet FDA approved) that can actually halt the ageing process. It comes in the form of a cream that completely stops the ageing process on part of the body it's applied to. I've been trialling it for years and it works a charm.

However, I was a little lazy when applying the cream, so now I have a generally youthful appearance with wrinkly ears, eyelids and lips. It doesn't sound so bad, but I do look like a freak.

Oh yeah and I live in La-la land, where I ride rainbow ponies drink from the champagne river.